It sure feels strange when your own family questions your every move. Despite the complex feelings, standing your ground is key to building your own identity and life.

Just today, the day of my daughter's birthday party, a family member commented, "I'm shocked that this is how you're running a child's birthday party."

They were referring to the lack of pomp, pre-planned games (as though we would know what games are better than letting children's souls explore the space presented and enjoying the way they want to - yup, that's the spiritual truth, stop forcing your will on others), and god knows what other complex plans in their head (I'm quite sure because I used to be this way 10 years ago and drive people in the music scene nuts due to my own perfectionistic traits).

I said to the person, "This is a different generation and we believe in letting the children be and exploring their surroundings, and playing whatever they like, on the spot. However, if you think you can do something amazing, you can plan in advance for her 7th birthday, and you can run your plans by us, and we can approve it or not approve it based on how we feel."

Make space for opinions and guidance which might infringe on your life, but take no bullshit. Even if of course, the person's intentions are from a well-meaning space in terms of for example, something being "better" than it currently is.

A younger version of my wife and I might have gone, "Oh my god yes let's do this, and that, and this, and what you said... and yada yada yada..." We would have hyped ourselves up, and run around helter-skelter to make that other person's vision a reality.

However now, what we do is we first check in with ourselves about if we would be able to manage plans any more complex than we have already created.

Also, it is normal for elders (or even extended family), to want to chime in with their wisdom (and make no mistake, this can be wisdom beyond our years). However, there's a fine line between us taking in feedback and being able to apply it to our plans cohesively for a well-rounded life with enhancements and us going the people-pleasing route and over-burdening ourselves with the requests and feelings of others.

Let anyone you love or like offer opinions (if you have long enough to listen to them and they don't get lecturesome or tiresome), but save the final say for yourself.

Love,
Zephyr

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