I've been around the block. I have made friends and interacted with acquaintances, colleagues, collaborators and classmates in my time in the Singapore school system, then the music and show business industries and then the healing, holistic health, spiritual, psychology and personal development spaces - amounting to about a thousand people or more.

Not to mention more people and interactions accumulated through my work in the corporate space (yes I had day jobs), others thanks to my social media reach and interactions and even more due to the other work ventures and my personal life.

I've come to understand this. I actively avoid some people most times of the year whether it's not replying to their messages, or not meeting up with them, or just not collaborating or working with them. Also, and most importantly perhaps, switching off mentally when they speak, or wishing it was over soon.

Earlier in my career, and life, many people did that to me too, especially when I was new to an industry. I've realised over time that it isn't personal. Unless you take it personally. 

Ok, so why does it happen? Here's why.

It's the fact that some people deliver massive value when they open their mouth… and others don't. 

For those of us who are aware of this, it is beautiful to observe ourselves and our connections build a friend and work circle, where we can benefit from each other's experience(s), skills, knowledge, research and all around deftness in life and in our industries.

It is also sad (and sometimes painful) at the same time to come across someone who says a lot, but delivers almost nothing through their words. You know the kind of person who speaks for 20 minutes and it could have been 3 bullet points?

Call that their lack of understanding of the language, a lack of knowledge of an industry, a lack of human behaviour knowledge, a lack of courtesy, a lack of self-awareness or just "Oh they're full of life!” There are multiple ways of saying the same thing. Nice ways, and not so nice ways. Of course, try not to say it to their face in a mean way, and give them feedback professionally or personally if the situation calls for it.

The truth is clear though. When some people speak, others listen. When yet another group of humans speaks, many people walk away or switch off. Try not to be in the second group.

Pay attention the next time you open your mouth to what's happening in the room around you. 

If you've been consistently delivering value to others in that room, they'll perk up and listen. Strive to be that person. Deliver value, and hence intrigue and awe, through your work, endeavours and words.

Yes, it's understood that what you're saying may be valuable only to certain people and that the room shutting you down could just be a lot less intelligent than you, or just a collection of bad actors. Sure. In that case, you're in the wrong room. You don't want to be discussing Quantum Physics with a fisherman who hasn't caught fish all day - this example shows your information is irrelevant to the other person. Or matters of Universal and Health Truths with someone who gets all their news from the government, the media and what they’ve been told in school, only - this example shows a severe lack of intelligence in the other person. 

However, if you're in a room of people you admire or think are intelligent, and they're not paying any attention to you, you need to take notice. 

Improve. Summarise. Get to the point. 

Do all 3 more often. People will respect you more.

Love,
Zephyr

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